The Waiting Game

Tomorrow is THE DAY! I have to be at the hospital at 9am and my c-section is scheduled for 11am. So in less than 24 hours we will have a new little baby in our family! So what have I been doing with myself as I've waited for tomorrow to arrive?

Well, I celebrated a birthday this past Friday.
Friday morning I had to go in to the hospital at 8:30 am to have an anesthesiology consultation and have some blood drawn. Then after that I returned home and spent the day with my dear sweet mother who helped me get everything in place in the girls' room.
In the evening my dad came and we all had a sushi dinner followed by the most fantastic chocolate truffle tart known to man made by my mom.

Mmmm...
All in all, it was a great day! This was the first birthday I have celebrated with my parents since my 18th birthday. For every birthday since then I have either been away at college, or living on the other side of the country, or overseas! So the day just seemed extra special being able to spend it with them.

The rest of my time has been spent trying to be a good patient and trying to keep myself busy while sitting on our family room couch for exasperating hours on end. I am incapable of sitting and watching TV, so this has translated into me knitting and crocheting a whole pile of clothing and accessories for Savannah and Ella, and a couple of things for other people. See what I mean? Every single one of these items has been made since a couple of days before Thanksgiving:
1. Baby Leggings, 2. Baby Ballet Flats, 3. Baby Bucket Hat, side view, 4. Swirls Cap, 5. Crochet booties, 6. Pretty in Pink, 7. Eggplant Beret, 8. Bucket Hat Model, II, 9. Baby Bonnet, 10. Baby Lilac Hat, 11. Leaf Tawashi II, 12. Baby Hat II, 13. Baby Bolero, front, 14. Cecily Baby Sweater , 15. Lolly Contemplation, 16. Baby socks, 17. Crocheted sweater for Squirrel, 18. Baby Booties 2, 19. A pumpkin beret for 'lil bro, 20. Flower hair pin

I am not going to miss this:
But I will miss feeling the baby move, the forced craft time (but not the bed rest part), and the convenient shelf that my belly provides:
Here's to surviving the last few hours--see you on the other side!

Angels and Demons

We've had our share of visits from angels and demons over the past couple of days.

Saturday morning we got a call from my mom and dad asking if they could stop by our house on their way home from San Diego to cook up a couple of fresh lobsters. Anyone who offers to come and cook something like lobster in my kitchen rises to the angelic reading on my gauge of virtue.
Angelic visit #1.
Savannah got a chance to touch one of the lobsters, which she was quite pleased with, though much less pleased with the fact that we wouldn't let her hold it.
When we gave her a piece of cooked lobster to try she quickly devoured it, and then said, "More monster?"
At first we couldn't figure out what she was saying and then we finally realized that she was saying "lobster," but it just came out sounding more like "monster."
Quite the appropriate name for these little demons of the sea. Demon visit #1. This was by far the most pleasant of our demonic visits.

Saturday evening when Savannah was sitting in her high chair she began spewing copious amounts of vomit all over herself and the kitchen floor (thank goodness she wasn't on the carpet).
She threw up several more times during the course of the night. Demon visit #2. I was concerned about how we were going to handle Sunday, as Nathan had multiple meetings he needed to attend, as well as church, and I'm not currently in a position to give a sick child the care that she needs. Solution? Angelic visit #2.
My dad drove out to our house Sunday morning arriving just as Nate was leaving for his meetings.
My dad spent the rest of the day cooking gourmet meals
(omelette for breakfast, lamb chops, mashed potatoes, corn and peas for lunch, and a fabulous salad for dinner), washing dishes, playing with Savannah, and making sure that I didn't do anything that my doctor would scold me for.
Savannah seemed to have recovered and so life continued on as normal, until last night when she kept waking up every hour to couple of hours. Enter demon visit #3. At one point she was really upset and seemed to be having a nightmare. Nate went in and pulled her out of bed and sat rocking her until she calmed down. He put her back to bed, and all was well until about 2 hours later when we woke up to the sounds of her throwing up in bed. Savannah and I climbed into a warm bath to cuddle and sponge off and Nate spent the next 15 minutes replacing bed sheets, putting all the soiled items into the washing machine, and cleaning vomit off the carpet. He then came and wrapped up Savannah in a clean towel, put her in clean pajamas and put her back to bed. Angelic visit #3.

I'm so glad that my little girl has such wonderful men in her life that are willing to come help chase her demons away. This morning as I file away in my mind the mental picture of Nathan cradling his little girl in his arms I am grateful again for angels.

Gratitude.

To say that this has been an interesting pregnancy would be an understatement. As I've thought about my chosen word for the year, "live," it has helped me to process and frame my pregnancy experience in new ways. It would be easy for me to be frustrated, depressed, whiny, and crabby--I know this, because I have experienced all of these feelings over the past couple of months (no claims of perfection here!). Over the past couple of months my doctor has been putting more and more restrictions on what I am allowed to do, putting me on modified bed rest, and then just dropping the "modified" completely about a month ago. No more picking up Savannah, no more real cooking, no more morning walks, no more 10-minute showers, no more running errands . . . like I said, frustrated, depressed, whiny, and crabby? Yeah, been there, done that.

The day we returned from Utah (Saturday, January 3) I received a phone call from a girl in my ward asking about my restrictions and what I needed. The next day I received another phone call from this same person informing me that I would be getting some help. Since then I have had someone come to pick up Savannah every morning to play and then bring her home and put her down for a nap for me. Then in the afternoon another person comes and helps me get Savannah up from her nap, does things around the house (like the dishes), helps to keep Savannah entertained, and then helps get dinner on the table which is delivered by yet another person in the early evening.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said, "From the beginning down through the dispensations, God has used angels as His emissaries in conveying love and concern for His children . . . . I have spoken here of heavenly help, of angels dispatched to bless us in time of need. But when we speak of those who are instruments in the hand of God, we are reminded that not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with—here, now, every day. Some of them reside in our own neighborhoods . . . . Indeed heaven never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind."

As I think about my word and what it means to live our lives, I am able to put away my negative feelings and I am left with simple gratitude. Gratitude for my personal angels that have been doing for my family what I cannot do. Gratitude for those same angels for giving me such good examples of what it means to serve another. Gratitude for the opportunity to get to know some of the women at church a bit better. Gratitude for the wonderful meals we have been eating for dinner. Gratitude for a wonderful kind, patient, and loving husband. Gratitude for a wonderful little girl. Gratitude for a healthy baby. Gratitude for a good doctor. Gratitude for life in general. And definitely gratitude that pregnancy doesn't last longer than it already does! Lao Tzu said, "Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you."

Home safe, "washing hands," and Ella in 4D

We made it back safely from our trip to Utah, and though we are already missing being with all of that family, I am SO glad that the long drive is over! We did manage to have some fun along the way home by stopping at Cache Valley Cheese in Beaver and stocking up for the rest of all time on cheddar cheese curds and then by meeting up with our good friends the Lightens in Cedar City for lunch (they just happened to be driving back home to Utah and we were crossing paths).
Since getting home we've just been working on getting unpacked and playing catch-up. Poor Nathan has a full plate at work on top of trying to get a bit ahead so that it's easier for him to take his paternity leave when Ella makes her appearance. Savannah and I just got home last night from spending the past three days in Redlands. I had a doctors appointment on Wednesday afternoon and an ultrasound Friday morning, so we decided to stay with Nana and Papa for a few days rather than make the trip twice! Savannah had way too much fun doing things like taking a bath and playing with water in the kitchen sink, or "washing hands" as she calls it.
Speaking of ultrasounds, my ultrasound yesterday morning was fabulous! Although I've been having an ultrasound with every appointment since my switch to my new doctor, my doctor ordered a detailed anatomy ultrasound on the hospital's cool hi-tech machine to get a better look at Ella and make sure there weren't any additional risk factors we needed to know about for my delivery and to get a better idea of how big she is (since I'm off the Richter scale in belly measurements). The ultrasound lasted for 40 minutes while the tech took tons of measurements and multiple pictures of things like Ella's kidneys, heart, spine, etc. At one point she switched the wand (NO CLUE what the real name for that thing is!) that she was using on my belly and all of the sudden the images showing up on the screen were in 4D! It was unreal to have Ella truly look like a baby and fun to see things that I recognized.
When I got home I had to pull out Savannah's baby pictures to verify, and yep, there it was...Ella looks like she's got the same cute little nose that Savvy does and those same chubby cheeks!
In fact one of the first things the tech said when we were looking at the 4D imaging was, "She has the cutest chubby cheeks!" The radiologist then came in and spent a few minutes looking at a couple more things and talking to me. He estimates that Ella's current weight is 6 lbs. 12 oz. (give or take 10%). That blew me away because Savannah was 6 lbs. 14 oz. at birth and she was born eight days past her due date!!! Today we have exactly 3 weeks to go until my due date.

LIVE 2009

*I apologize, I wrote about this on my other blog, so most of this will be a bit of a repeat, but it bears repeating as I'll be mentioning it over the coming months!

I love the start of a new year, the chance to start fresh with a new beginning. This year is likely to be filled with new things as we look forward to Ella's birth. I recently stumbled across an idea of Alie Edwards on her blog--the idea that she calls One Little Word. She explains that "the idea behind the one little word concept is to give yourself something to focus on throughout the year." In her newsletter back in January 2007 she wrote, "A single word can be a powerful thing. It can be the ripple in the pond that changes everything. It can be sharp and biting or rich and soft and slow." She went on to challenge her readers to identify a single word that sums up what you want for yourself in 2009. She explained that the word "can be something tangible or intangible. It could be a thought or a feeling or an emotion. It can be singular or plural. The key is to find something that has personal meaning for you." As I look forward into 2009 this idea really resonates with me.

My word for 2009? LIVE.

verb {intr.}
-to be alive; exist
-to maintain or support one's existence; provide for oneself

verb {trans.}
-to go through, to experience or enjoy life to the full

adjective
-full of life, energy or activity
-vivid or bright, as color

I find this word appropriate as we look forward to welcoming new life into our family this month. I love the quote by Henry David Thoreau:

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience ..."

I like the concept of focusing on being more deliberate about the way we live life, not just passively being carried along by the currents. Albert Einstein said, "There are only two ways to live your life. One is that nothing is a miracle and the other is that everything is a miracle."

So here's to 2009--to living life deliberately and not passively, to welcoming new life, to nurturing life . . . to experiencing the miraculous.

Happy New Year!!!

We are currently in Utah, staying with Nate's mom and her hubby in Draper. We drove up the weekend before Christmas. We've had a wonderful visit thus far, filled with snow,
sledding,
Santa,
presents,
and family.
My belly continues to grow, though it is looking deceptively smaller as Ella has started to drop.
I'm definitely feeling ready for this pregnancy to be over and to finally meet our little Ella!

We'll be here for a few more days and then head back home for California this weekend. I'm so glad that we were able to make this trip. Savannah has been in total heaven being constantly doted on by her Grandma, Grandpa, and Aunt Kiki (Nate's sister Kristen), as well as the rest of the family that she has been bombarded with.
What a blessing to have so much family so near. Happy New Year!

Happy Birthday Squirrel!

Dear Savannah,

This day two years ago was one of the most incredible days of my entire life. The day before was very memorable. Your Nana was visiting us in Japan, waiting for you to be born. It was a Friday and we had gone to an art gallery to see Van Gogh's Sunflowers and it was standing in front of that beautiful painting that I had my first contraction at about 11:00am.
Nana and I finished walking through the gallery and then made our way back to Hiroo, the neighborhood where our apartment was. We walked up Hiroo shopping street and bought some lunch and then walked home. I had contractions on and off all day and by early evening they were coming regularly. Your dad came home and we ordered food from our favorite Indian restaurant, Moti. I ate a very spicy curry dish, asking for them to make it as spicy as they possibly could. That was my last meal before you were born. That night we stayed up late timing contractions and then finally decided to try and get some sleep. After about 30 minutes I decided that it was no use, there was no way I was going to sleep. We finally called Dr. Sakamoto because my contractions were about 8 minutes apart, and he had asked us to call him when they were under 10 minutes apart. We couldn't get a hold of him, so we called the hospital and finally went in about an hour later.
It turns out that Dr. Sakamoto was delivering another baby when we called him. My contractions quickly got closer and closer together and got stronger and stronger, but not much else was happening.

Saturday morning I had been in labor with you for 24 hours when a doctor put a cell phone up to my ear. The voice on the other end was Dr. Sakamoto telling me that something was wrong and that if we didn't act quickly you were not going to survive. I remember not being able to respond because a nurse was slipping an oxygen mask over my face. I remember the confused and worried look on your dad's face as I was being wheeled out. He didn't know yet what was going on, and with the oxygen mask over my mouth all I could do was to tell him that everything was going to be okay as they wheeled me out the door.

A few minutes later Dr. Sakamoto arrived as I was prepped for surgery. Your dad came in all dressed up in scrubs. He got to sit by my head and hold my hand. I couldn't see anything but him because they had put the surgical guard very close to my head, so I watched him the whole time. He was awesome. He watched the whole thing and never flinched once. His face stayed a normal color and everything! They quickly had you out and dangled you over my face so that I could get a glimpse of you before they rushed you away to take care of you. You were quite the impressive shade of blue and the only bit of you that I really got to see was your bum (but it was a very cute blue bum). That first little cry you made when they pulled you out made your dad and I cry--it was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. I fell asleep at this point as the doctors sewed me up.
I know from pictures, and from what your dad and Nana tell me that you were putting on quite a show in the NICU. You were kicking around and trying to eat the edge of the oxygen hood.

I finally got to see your sweet face for the first time about 6 hours later and fell instantly in love.
Holding you in my arms for the first time was mind blowing, and a moment that I will always remember. From the moment you were born you looked like your dad and Nana called you "Little Nathanette" for a very long time after that.

It's hard for me to believe that two whole years have passed since those moments.
When I remember them, they are very clear and seem like it was only yesterday. Yet here you are, our crazy little Savvy-Squirrel.
You have more energy than anyone I know and never stop talking.
For over a year now you have been obsessed with Elmo. You constantly amaze us with the things you say and sing. Just this morning we heard you singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star when you woke up in your crib. Your other favorite songs are the ABCs, The Wheels on the Bus, The Eensy Weensy Spider, Old McDonald Had a Farm, Follow the Prophet, and I Am A Child of God. Your nursery leaders tell us that your favorite time in nursery every week is when they bring out the bubbles and you run around going crazy trying to catch them.

You are very curious, always examining everything. I love how you brush the hair out of your face when you've been playing hard. I love how you scold Neko ("Yako"), telling her to "be nice," when it was really you antagonizing her. I love it that when you hear a sound that interests you, like that of an airplane in the sky, you say, "Ooooh, an airplane! You hear it? You hear it?" I love how you desperately ask for more kisses whenever we are leaving your room at night, trying to delay bedtime for just a few more moments.
You are one amazing little girl and I have loved watching you learn and grow over the past two years. I am excited to see what the future brings. I believe that you can accomplish anything you decide to do--you are just that determined.

I love you Savannah. Happy Birthday!
Love,
Mama